"The concept is not about going out there and putting on a show or going out there and scoring points, it's to win games. I'd much rather go out and score 25 points and get 10 assists and see everybody in a rhythm, everybody in a groove."Forgive me if my giant brain is showing, but I'm pretty sure I already said that as recently as yesterday. I wonder what Mr. Anonymous will have to say now that Kobe's basically agreeing with our fair and balanced assessment of his historic scoring feat? Well, don't worry, Mr. Anonymous. We at Basketbawful don't hold grudges. After all, if you were as quick-witted and suave as we are, then we wouldn't have anything to make fun of. I'm not saying that we actually appreciate idiots like you, but we understand your worth to this page.
Even though I didn't particularly care for the "lazy bum" comment, I appreciated his frank and brutal honesty. I mean, my hair really does look a mess. Of course, by the time he called, I had been up for two hours and was already at work, but hey, it's the thought that counts, right?
"This is Amare Stoudemire. Stop being a lazy bum. Lose the PJs, get dressed, and hit the court. And do something about the hair. You look a mess."
"He wasn't missing and he was looking good. He had that confident look. His eyes were real big and when that happens, you know he's confident."And here we just thought it meant he was scanning the crowd for something large and chocolatey to eat. This is good information to have, though. Now front row spectators will know they don't have to duck away in fear when Shaq shoots freethrows as long as his eyes are "real big."
"damn.. You oughta be ashamed to be basketball fans..."This comment is as disappointing as slipping your hand into that hot cheerleader's bra and instead of being greeted by a firm, erect nipple ready to chant out the letters in your name, you yank out a wad of sweaty Kleenex. We put a lot of work into this page. After all the hours of cutting and pasting text, downloading naked women, breaking to take a cold shower, downloading more naked women, and responding to Greg Ostertag's angry e-mails, the only response we get is this stupid thing typed by an illiterate's elbows? Couldn't you have at least pasted one of our head's onto a little devil body and tattooed it to your ass? I guess what I'm trying to say is: shut up, you idiot.
Wow...Why can't you guys just grow up and enjoy the amazing show of talent that it was. If people would only open their eyes and let him have a chance again, without always trying to shoot down great things, you guys might have a new enjoyment for the league and its best player.Here's a newsflash for you, Anonymous: when we write here, we get to say whatever we want about anything we want. If we were writing Wolverine, then Marvel Comics could force us to follow the Comics Code Authority rules, tell us to have him fight Speedball, make us start a believable romance between him and She-Hulk, and have us to tie it all in to this month's X-Men "Time Travel Fall of the Mutant Massacre Caper" mega-crossover. But we're not writing a comic book, and you aren't our publisher. If either of these things change anytime soon, then we'll be happy to embrace the Kobe-love. Until then, we reserve the right to call it as we see it.
"So I gave them up to the desires of their hearts; that they might go after their evil purposes."I know you'll join me in saying: "Holy freaking shit!" Two thousand years ago, some dirty monk copying books by hand predicted that the number 81 would somehow be connected with selfish dicks who, when left unchecked, would go on to pursue evil. But believe it or not, there's more! Thanks to Bill Simmons, I now know Kobe's record was achieved on the 666th game of his career. I am completely, 100 percent serious about this. That sound you just heard was checkmate, folks.
On January 22nd 2006, Kobe Bryant of the LA Lakers socred an amazing 81 points in one game vs the Toronto Raptors.So there you have it. Not only can you own Kobe's points in the form of an oily jar of water from some psycho's basement, the seller is going to throw in the rest of the Lakers' 41 points for no extra charge! I should probably take this chance to mention that there are only 15 more shopping days until my birthday (hint, hint). Man, I'd love to uncork these babies in my pickup league.
You are probably wondering where all thoes points go after they are scored. Well they are added up on the score boards, people write about them in news papers, kids talk about them in school the next day.
But the actual points scored in all of the NBA games played through the entire season build up in a hole in my basement. They flow in through tubes in liquid form. And to be honest, it's a pain in the ass pumping that hole out every day. So when I heard Kobe Bryant scored 81 points in one game, I was kinda pissed. I never liked Kobe Bryant, but now I had to pump his 81 points out of my basement.
In a game, 81 points are quite impressive, but when you see them in person they don't look like much. They are kinda disgusting to be honest. They are a little dirty, kinda like Kobe.
So you are bidding on Kobe Bryant's 81 points. They are in a jar, in liquid form, as you can see from the pictures. I also scooped up the rest of the Lakers 41 points for comparison. The winner will get them too.
I'm sure someone in Canada is selling the Raptors' defense and pride, because they left that at home.
Basketbawful (BB): Good morning. This is Mike from Basketbawful. I was calling to inquire about a statistical error in last night's Toronto Raptors boxscore.Mission accomplished.
Administrative Statistical Supervisor (ASS): Are you referring to Kobe Bryant's 81 points?
BB: Yes. I was wondering how soon that can be corrected.
ASS: (pause) How soon what can be corrected?
BB: The error.
ASS: What error?
BB: Mr. Bryant's point performance. It's obvious the 81 was caused by a key entry mistake or a bad punch-card or something. I mean, be real. Kobe isn't 7 feet tall, and this isn't 1961. Kobe probably shot 8 for 46 and had 2 assists. That's just a guess, but I'm probably right. Go with those numbers.
ASS: Sir, this is the 23rd call we've received today from people wanting to change Kobe's point total on the night.
BB: Oh, okay then. I can assume the correction will be made later today. Excellent.
ASS: Sir, the statistics were compiled by league representatives, the numbers are confirmed and validated.
BB: (pause) But the game wasn't televised. You have no proof.
ASS: Sir, NBA games are LIVE. It was a LIVE GAME.
BB: (awkward pause) Well then. I want the NBA to apologize for this.
ASS: For what?
BB: What do you mean "for what"? On behalf of every basketball fan outside of the greater Los Angeles area, I demand the league make a public apology for the mental anguish this numerical snafu has caused.
ASS: Sir, the numbers are correct. It's NOT AN ERROR.
BB: I knew it! Jerry Buss and the Lakers organization have you guys in their back pocket as well. I can see right through this miscarriage of justice.
ASS: ...I'm going to hang up.
BB: Why do you hate basketball?
ASS: I don't hate basketball! I...
BB: It's common knowledge that Kobe Bryant is the living embodiment of everything that is soulless and wrong in the league today. And by letting this statistical anomaly go uncorrected, well, you're encouraging him. That's just un-American.
ASS: Sir, you are entitled to your opinion, but the totals for Sunday...
BB: Why do you hate America?
ASS: I DON'T hate America!
BB: Apology accepted.
ASS: I didn't apologize! What are you...
BB: Very good! Have a nice day. (click)