"Eddy Curry's success coming to New York has been about as good as my success coming back to Chicago when my career was pretty much done."That is totally freaking awesome! I'm shedding a tear even as I write this. I may have that quote tattooed across my left butt-cheek or something. It's so true, and so sarcastic. The fact that Pippen busted on fat Eddy and himself, all in the same sentence...well, let's just say I may need to change my underwear.
"I'm going to tell you right now I think they've turned the corner. I really do. I know all of you look at this as one of the worst things going on in New York, but they've accumulated a tremendous amount of talent. That's all I know."I'm pretty sure he said most of that in English, but it still doesn't make any sense. The Knicks have accumulated a "tremendous amount" of talent? Has he seen the their roster? Here's a quick quiz for you, Pat. Name one Knick player who would start for the Heat. Or the Spurs. Or the Pistons. That's what I thought. Sorry to disagree with you, Riles, but the only corner they've turned is the one that leads to a bloody and brutal fan revolt. And I hope it happens soon. Actually, no I don't. Watching Isiah Thomas broker bad deal after bad deal -- smiling like a gay elf all the while -- is one of the few things that make me happy in this world. And I'm never happy.
"This is a game used towel used in the NBA!! The towel shows AWESOME usage with dirt, sweat and blood stains. Very unique item to add to your sports collection!!"
Jesus, Phil! Somebody asks a legitimate question about player development and you respond by asking if he thugs his wife. That seems like a bit of an overreaction, don't you think? Simers, like most of the free world, thinks Kobe Bryant should let Lamar Odom take a couple shots a game. After hearing Phil say sort of the same thing, Simers noted it...and got blasted.
Simers: "I just marvel at the way you've developed young players, so what can you do with Kwame Brown? Most people in town don't think Brown is going to amount to anything. Do you agree or disagree?"
Jackson: "I'm not going to answer that question. Agree or disagree, when did you stop beating your wife? It's a situation where a guy has to find some successful experiences to build on, and that's where we are."
Simers: "Have you come around and started thinking like me now -- getting more points out of Lamar Odom?"Wow. That, my friends, is superdickery.
Jackson: "I hope I never have to think like you. For sure, my relationship [with Jeanie Buss] would end quickly, I wouldn't have any friends and I'd be alone in this world."
"The black/white stereotyping in basketball crudely breaks down somewhere along these lines: fast/slow; me-first/team-first; leaper/smarts and footwork; shooter/passer; ability/effort. The key psychological term here is attribution -- that is, 'What reasons do we use to account for someone's achievement?' So if we take a white player and a black player with exactly the same statistics, we might nonetheless explain their success very differently.The theory certainly explains why nearly every talented white player -- from Michael Smith to Tom Gugliotta to Adam Morrison -- has been proclaimed to be "The Next Larry Bird"...an almost guaranteed career-killer and possibly as destructive as being tagged "The Next Jordan."
"More significantly, this means we ignore aspects of someone's achievement that contradict the stereotype. Hence the 'White Gunner' -- a type of player we struggle with because he is white yet simultaneously embodies all the stereotypes we've reserved for blacks. Tom Chambers is the White Gunner poster child. Rex Chapman was another example.
"In basketball, the 'face' we're familiar with is black. We code black players by feature, so we can make endlessly subtle distinctions between players: There is a David Thompson 'type,' which is quite unlike a Grant Hill 'type,' which, in turn, is quite unlike a Gary Payton 'type.' But I think we code white players by category. They are simply 'white,' and we don't make the same kind of sophisticated distinctions among them. So we miss the 'White Gunner.'"
1. Adam Morrison is white.'Nuff said. It goes without saying (but of course I'll say it anyway) that you'd better start stocking up on Adam Morrison memorabilia and fast. It won't still be this cheap after he's inducted into the Basketball Hall of Fame. And what would make a better starter piece for your collection than some bloody gauze that fell out of Morrison's nose?
2. Adam Morrison can play basketball. Really well.
3. See items 1 and 2 above.
"This is the game used gauze pad covered in blood from Adam Morrison. During the final 4 minutes of the first half of the NCAA college basketball game between Gonzaga and Pepperdine on Monday, February 20, 2006, Adam Morrison used this to clear a bloody nose as he continued to play. With seconds left in the first half, Morrison threw the pad to the sideline under the basket where I picked it up. Feel free to e-mail me with any questions you may have."I'm sure you'll all join me in saying: EWWWWW!!" I don't know about you, but when someone throws a bloody band-aid on the floor, I think it's usually a good idea to just leave it there. Not this guy, though. I really hope he doesn't attend WNBA games, otherwise we'll probably end up seeing Lisa Leslie's used feminine hygiene products up for sale. That would be so wrong.
"This was signed by Brown before the Rockets/Jazz game a couple nights ago."What the...? Brown?! I know Greg plays like crap, but unless he is crap (and we probably can't be sure), I don't think "Brown" can be used to accurately describe him. It isn't his middle name, either. That's Donovan. Don't ask how we know this.
"The application for this entertainment troupe called for men with BIG energy, BIG enthusiasm, BIG pride for their favorite NBA team and, well, BIG trousers. The goal was to put together a team of 12-15 men who could bring Bulls fans to tears through laughter in the 90-second time frame that makes up what we call in this league, a full time-out. The necessary qualifications for such a mission required little to no fitness regimen, dance experience or shame."Thank you for explaining what a "full time-out" is, puny fools. We just landed on Earth yesterday, and that was the last thing standing between us and the brutal conquest of your pitiful planet!! Anyway, I don't know how they can possibly say these proud men have no shame...
Crazed Pacers Fan: Reggie Miller...is a BASKETBALL GOD! The onlyConnie Hawkins: Never seen him play, but if he's a HOFer and he's in NBA Street, he mustcanshoot.
question now, is Reggie: A) a basketball god or B) the greatest player
Sane Human Being: Reggie was one of the panelists for this
list, and he apparently voted for himself 10 times. Love him to death, and
at least three of my favorite playoff moments involve Reggie and the Knicks. He's hit seemingly 100s of clutch shots over the years, but
Reggie's not a superstar. Over the course of a season, in his prime he
wasn't any better than Mitch Richmond or Reggie Lewis.
Crazed Pacers Fan: Sorry, "Not a superstar" isn't one of the
options. I'll put you down for "basketball god". Next!
"The bottom line: [the Pistons] could have won four or five straight titles with this current nucleus if Dumars didn't pass up three of the top-eight young assets in the league with that pick. As it stands, they're going to struggle to win two. That's why I believe that, other than Bowie-over-MJ, [picking Darko Milicic] was the most damaging draft-day decision of the last 20 years. And anyone who says otherwise is crazy."We couldn't agree with you more, Bill. Or maybe you couldn't agree with us more, since we already made the Darko/Bowie comparison a month and a half ago in our Human Victory Cigar post:
"Darko was (infamously) selected by the Pistons in the first round of the 2003 NBA Draft ahead of other All-Star caliber players such as Carmelo Anthony, Chris Bosh, and Dwayne Wade, making him the worst second overall draft pick since Sam Bowie."Don't worry, Bill. We aren't offended or anything. You can quote us whenever you want. But please, next time, just give a little credit were credit is due. We could use the free publicity.
The correct answer, of course, is all of the above. What's that? You don't remember him dressing up like Britney Spears? Well, my friend, this is your lucky day. Or your unluckiest day, depending on your point of view. I give you: Scot Pollard in drag:
To sum up, Scot's career highlights include breaking the top 40 in rebounding and blocks, playing a total of 13 minutes during the playoffs, missing half a season, and scoring 8 points. If I was Scot Pollard, I would beg the NBA to remove the career higlights section from my player page. And if that didn't work, I'd start killing people. Because I'd rather be remembered as "hard-assed mass murderer" than "lame, cross-dressing basketball player." But maybe that's just me.
"Here's the deal: When, after 60 games, the team being announced has a winning percentage hovering around the same area as most pitchers' batting averages, it loses the right to a grand entrance. No more dance team, no more theme song, no more dimming the lights. The players just walk onto the court and play the game. That's it."While we will agree that Paul is something of a satirical genius, we must respectfully disagree with at least one component of his proposition. The Hawks deserve a dance team. Or, more accurately, the 10 or 12 fans that still attend Hawks home games deserve one. Because let's face it, watching a live Hawks game is the basketball equivalent of going to see The Constant Gardener with your girlfriend. Every moment is pure and unadulterated torture, to the extent that even the slightest hint of bare flesh might keep you from trying to scrape your eyes out with spork.
"I think they're hitting a good stretch of basketball and I think I take a little bit of credit because I played in a couple of those games."Yes, Jalen. It was all you, man. Without you, the Raptors would be, like, 17-36. And they will never forget you for that.
"I decided to sell this shoe so somebody else can enjoy it! This was signed by Greg Ostertag. The shoe is size 18 HUGE."That's right folks. The shoe is HUGE. Just like Greg's game. The seller has requested a starting bid of $24.95 and plans to charge $20 to ship it (which is probably a bargain, since the nasty thing is the approximate size and weight of a Sherman Tank). Strangely enough, there are currently zero bids. We can only wonder why. But take a close look at the posted picture of the shoe. It accurately reflects the total worth of a shoe decorated only by Greg Ostertag's autograph.
"You are bidding on a Gatorade bottle that Michael Jordan drank from during a game from the 1998, 62-game winning season with the Chicago Bulls. The game was on February 11, 1998 versus the Charlotte Hornets, at the Charlotte Coliseum. The Bulls won the game by a score of 92-90. This is a great piece of NBA memorabilia that was not only in the hands of, but also used by Michael Jordan. The bottle was retrieved by one of the ball boys after the game and has been kept in the same condition, without being cleaned or washed. Shipping is $3. Payment is due within 7 days of the auction's closing. If you have any other questions please feel free to ask. Thank you."It's never been cleaned or washed?! Sweet!! Maybe some of Jordan's backwash is still in there. Maybe scrapings will yield some DNA samples, and we can create an army of Michael Jordan clones. Which we will then have to destroy, purely for scientific purposes. Or maybe drinking his 8-year-old spit would, like, make us better basketball players. I mean, wasn't there a movie where some kid became an All-Star by just wearing a pair of Jordan's old sneakers? This could be the Holy Grail of basketball artifacts. His used saliva could cure everything that's wrong wtih basketball. Or it could just be a fake.
Scot Pollard: "Peja says he feels very good. He is especially happy because he is the best-looking player on the team. Personally, I'm happy to be reunited with the best-looking man in the NBA and I will continue to try and pull down as many rebounds as possible."There you have it. We now know that Serbians play "Donkey" (I just had to suppress an involuntary shudder) and Peja pays American taxes. Many thanks to the Pacers organization for answering these and two or three other questions I never had about two completely uninteresting men. Maybe next time they'll let us chat with Jeff Foster and Eddie Gill. That would rock.
Peja Stojakovic: "I have a guy, Neil, who is my hairdresser in Sacramento."
Scot Pollard: "If your name is Bart, does that mean your father's name is Homer. Any person named Bart in the 20th century...that is really some cross to bear. Nice job, there, Bart."
Peja Stojakovic: "I like small serbia in Chicago!"
Scot Pollard: "In Serbia they play Donkey."
Scot Pollard: "Peja is perfect and women just wants to please him so he never has any problems. My Valentine's Days are spent mostly just basking in Peja's glow."
Peja Stojakovic: "I also pay the American taxes!"